


But All I've Got Is A Photograph

by mewsuppastreet



Category: Mewgulf, เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV), เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Child!Gulf Kanawut, Child!Mew Suppasit, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Possessive Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat, childhood friends!MewGulf, idk what to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27590582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewsuppastreet/pseuds/mewsuppastreet
Summary: Mew doesn’t need anything. Really, he has everything, so he doesn’t really ask for anything. But when did he start wishing to see that little boy once again?
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85





	But All I've Got Is A Photograph

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta-ed

**Repression.** /rəˈpreSH(ə)n/. Noun. in psychoanalytic theory, the exclusion of distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings from the conscious mind. Often involving sexual or aggressive urges or painful childhood memories, these unwanted mental contents are pushed into the unconscious mind.

 **Suppression.** /səˈpreSHən/. Noun. is the voluntary form of repression proposed by Sigmund Freud in 1892. It is the conscious process of pushing unwanted, anxiety-provoking thoughts, memories, emotions, fantasies and desires out of awareness.

~

_“Mama, do you remember that boy I often play with when I was young?”_

_“Mew, you played with a lot of boys back then. I can’t possibly remember all their names.”_

_“The youngest one!”_

_“Be more specific, son.”_

_“He was cute, and he runs around yelling ‘_ _P’Mew_ _!_ _P’Mew_ _!’”_

_“No, son. Sorry, Mama’s of no help.”_

_~_

It’s been years, 8 years to be exact, when Mew suddenly thought of his childhood playmates. He doesn’t even know why or what triggered the memory, he’s already 28 years old for heaven’s sake. What difference would it be if he can suddenly remember that little boy’s name? 

The first time he thought of _him_ was when he was 20 years old. He was driving home from university when bits of memories from his childhood hit him. Really, he blames having to take General Psychology class just because it is mandatory for all courses. It was a regular lecture day, one of his classmates in the said subject was reporting in front about defense mechanisms or whatever it is for all he cares when his professor suddenly asked the reporter if she knows how forgotten memories differ from repressed memories and suppressed memories, and being the Industrial Engineering major that they were, they didn’t know until the professor got mad and took over the reporting completely- dragging half of the day until dismissal. 

Having heard the answer to his professor’s question, he started wondering why he couldn’t remember a lot from his childhood, asking himself if his memories were suppressed, repressed or just simply forgotten. He was pretty sure he played with his neighbors– like a lot, but his neighbors before are still his neighbors today, no one moved before, and no one moved recently, so whoever was that little boy from his memory that is racking his brain, he probably should just stop thinking of him because there’s a high chance he might just made that memory up.

_Except, he couldn’t._

He’s done with his bachelor’s degree in Industrial Engineering, graduated first class honors, asked his parents if he could move to a condominium before starting his master’s degree in the same field of specialization and when they said yes, he started packing some of his stuff. Days before moving in to his condo, he was looking for pictures to bring and display when he came across their childhood pictures. Photo albums were scattered on the floor, his attention fully focused on finding _that little boy._ He could name all the kids in the pictures, from his friends up to his little sister's, playmates, but maybe his luck already ran out or there was really no little boy to begin with. 

~ 

**“You need to come home every weekend, okay?”**

**“Mama, you’ve been telling me that since the beginning.”**

**“Because that’s what we agreed on.”**

**“Yes, I will. Because if I didn’t, you will send Papa to drag me back home, yes, I know.”**

**“And plea–”**

**“And please remember to buy Mild’s mom a gift for next weekend because it’s her birthday, I know that, too.”**

**“No, Mew, that wasn’t what I was about to say. I was about to say to please remember that you’re not getting any younger, when will bring someone here to introduce to us?”**

**“I need to go, Mama. I’ll see you on the weekend.”** Mew said, kissed his mother’s forehead then head out of the house. 

~ 

It’s not that he’s not looking for someone to love, as a matter of fact, he’s craving for it. Mew’s got lots of love to give but no specific someone to give it to. After three failed relationships, he just stopped looking for it, thinking he might be the problem. Afterall, his three former partners have the same reasons why they left him, _“ **You’re too needy,” “You’re too clingy,” “This relationship makes me feel trapped,” “No one will stay with you when you’re like that.”** _ What exactly is _that?_ He asks himself then chuckles bitterly. They probably mean no one can love him for being himself, for being Mew– the over-bearing, too needy, too clingy, over-protective, and very possessive Mew. 

~ 

_”Mew_ _, can you check your little sister in her room? We need to leave now so your grandma wouldn’t have to stay up late waiting for us. She hasn’t seen the both of you since summer, 2 years ago, I’m sure she’s very excited.”_

_“Yes, Mama.”_

_~_

_**“I thought you’re my best friend? Why aren’t you following me?”** A boy, no older than 8 years old demanded, “ **You have to do what I tell you to do because I’m older and bigger than you,”** he added. The smaller of the two looked at him, surprised and confusion written all over his face, “ **But my** _ **_P’Mew_ _is bigger than you, I am_ _P’Mew’s_ ** _**best friend,”** he replied. “ **No, your** _ **_P’Mew_ ** _**has lots of friend and he got tired of you because he always had to look after you.”** The older said, putting emphasis on his last few words. The younger looked like he was about to cry, his doe eyes becoming glassy and his vision, blurry. Is that the reason why he hasn’t seen his _ _P’Mew_ _ever since the summer began? He went to spend his summer vacation here, living in his cousin’s house because he found last year’s summer very fun when he met his P’Mew. But now, it has been a week since he got here and he hasn’t seen even his P’Mew’s shadow. So maybe, the older boy was right, his_ _P’Mew_ _isn’t his best friend anymore. The smaller boy ran back to his cousin’s house, crying his heart out as he started telling his mother what happened and how he wanted to go back to their house even though the summer vacation has yet to end._

_~_

_“Mama, how long will we stay here with grandma?”_

_“We’ll stay here for 2 weeks, son.”_

_~_

**From: Mama**

Where are you? The party’s about to start. 

**To: Mama**

I woke up late, Mama. OMW to the mall to look for a gift. 

**From: Mama**

Drive safe. Don’t be too late if you don’t want all eyes on you when you get here. 

A lot of their relatives came. 

Mew put his phone in his jean’s pocket then shifted his focus back to finding a present for Mild’s mother. She’s basically his second mother, growing up and being friends with Mild, she can tell Mew’s likes and dislikes like he is her own son. Mew didn’t want to give her some half-assed gift so when he found something he thinks she’ll like, he bought it without batting an eyelash and sped his way to Mild’s house where the party is being held. 

Expect her mother to be right whenever she warns him. Upon entering the garden, he has to walk in the middle where a blue carpet was laid, so all eyes were on him. He’s not that worried of their neighbors’ stares but Mild’s relatives who he hasn’t met before were also staring at him. Their family’s table being in front also doesn’t help the situation. And when he thought before that his luck already ran out, it does not only mean that he stopped receiving good things, it also meant bad things started happening. 

He was about to sit on his chair when a person from another table pushed his chair back to stand up so it collided with Mew that made him lose his balance. Chain of events happened but the end game was that he not only spilt a glass of water on her sister, but he also broke a wine glass causing other people’s attention back on him. Fortunately, Mild showed up out of nowhere doing his weird laugh, telling the guests to carry on and don’t mind them while dragging him, Jom, and the person who stood up and caused Mew’s embarrassing show, inside the house 

**“Phi, let me go, I’m going to the bathroom. Why did you have to drag me, too?”** the man, obviously younger than Mew, but taller than him by a few centimeters asked Mild. **“Oho, your chair bumped into him that’s why he had to prop his hand on the table. Least you can do is tell them you’re sorry,”** Mild answered, leaving the man no choice but to ask for apology to Mew and Jom . **“I’m sorry, Phi, I didn’t know you were there that I stood up without checking at all,”** he said to Mew who just nodded and told him not to worry anymore. Jom decided to go back to their house so she can change her clothes, Mew asked her if she needed someone to accompany her, an offer she just turned down. Mew, Mild, and the other person was left in the house and before the atmosphere got awkward, Mild introduced the two to each other. The younger man’s name is Kanawut , but he prefers to be called Gulf, true enough, Gulf is younger than Mew and Mild, he’s even younger than Jom. Gulf, being an introvert just stayed silent after the introduction, Mew thought he probably doesn’t have anything else to say, **“Weren’t you on your way to the bathroom?”** he asked, helping Gulf, so the younger one can get himself out of the awkward situation. 

~ 

_“_ _P’Mew_ _, let’s go to the field, we can play football there.”_

_“Yai nong, we don’t really know how to play football.”_

_“But we can just kick the ball. Come! Come!”_

~

_“_ _P’Mew_ _!_ _P’Mew_ _! Can we change the name of your dog?”_

_“What? Why do you ask?”_

_“Let’s name him Chicken instead of Chopper?”_

_“That’s a weird name for a dog,_ _yai_ _nong.”_

_“But it would be funny calling “Chicken!” in the park then a dog will run to P’Mew.”_

_“I’ll think about it.”_

~

_“_ _P’Mew_ _, I’ll see you next summer. I’ll miss you,_ _P’Mew_ _.”_

_“But Yai_ _nong_ _has a picture of us and I don’t.”_

_“It’s okay. I’ll be here next summer then it will be_ _P’Mew’s_ _turn to keep our picture.”_

~ 

The party ended after an early dinner but they let the younger ones stay and drink. Mild’s relatives have their own group while his neighbors also have their own. Mew isn’t really focusing that much into their conversation, eyes on the door leading to the balcony of the house, his mind wandering back to the problems brought by his dissertation and how he could come up with a solution, when he saw Gulf went out to the balcony. He followed the younger without much thought but he didn’t make it obvious to the other. 

**“I know you’re there,”** Gulf said, leaving Mew no choice but to show himself and make his way to the younger. Mew didn’t say anything, he just looked up into the sky and stared at the moon. **“I have good memories in this city when I was a child,”** Gulf started. Mew didn’t know why the younger was striking up a conversation, they didn’t even know each other until earlier so he just hummed as a response. **“I wish I could just forget those memories. It’s why I can’t form a friendship with other people because I know that they’ll just get tired of me,”** Gulf continued. Confusion was written all over Mew’s face. How bad of a memory was it that he wanted to _suppress_ it? He stared at the younger, noticed that Gulf was taking deep breathes, eyes staring at the night sky, **“How convenient for people to just forget, huh?”** Gulf asked, his tone as if he was accusing Mew of something, his voice on the verge of cracking. **“Nong, did you have too much drink? Are you okay?”** Mew can’t help but ask. Gulf laughed bitterly which made Mew even more confused. **“If being okay is having the person who disposed you because they got tired of you without proper explanation in front of you, and not being able to remember you is okay, then yes, I am okay.”** If Gulf striking up a conversation surprised Mew, well, he isn’t prepared for the younger crying in front of him, baring his heart out. “ **They didn’t even give me the chance to grow up, they couldn’t wait until I can take care of myself, because if they did, then they’ll know that they don’t have to look after me, that I grew out of my clinginess, then maybe he can still be my Phi.”** Gulf continues. 

Mew couldn’t say anything. Confusion and wishful thinking were flooding his mind, _because his exes left him for being someone Gulf needed when he was young, Gulf was everything his exes were not._ Mew wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to change for someone, that someone out there will love him for who he is, but who is he kidding? He tried to change himself, too. He stopped caring too much because that’s what drove the people he _loved_ away. Maybe that is why he can’t empathize with Gulf as much as he wants to- because he just doesn’t care _enough,_ because he, too, has _changed._

**“Phi, how bad was I in your memory that you just forgot about me?”** Mew was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Gulf’s question. The younger’s face wet with tears that are continuously flowing out of his eyes. **“What are you talking about?”** Mew asked, voice almost inaudible. Gulf couldn’t believe Mew’s answer, losing his whole body’s strength, his legs giving up, he sat down on the floor of the balcony, his back leaning on the railings for support, **“** **P’Mew** **,”** he whispered, still bawling his eyes out, hands clutching his shirt as if his life depended on it. 

**“Gulf, I really don’t know what you’re talking about if you don’t tell me what this is about.”** Mew pleads the younger. It hurts seeing the younger like this when he just found out he was the reason of his despair. **“I know how to play football now,”** Gulf started, **“Did you change Chopper’s name to Chicken? You said you’d think about it.”** Mew froze on his spot, not believing his ears but pushed himself to keep listening, **“I still keep our picture that you were supposed to have, 21 summers ago,”** he continues. From that moment, Mew stopped racking his brain, memories of that summer came rushing into him, how he was so excited for the next summer because he’ll see him again, except when they went back home from their grandma, he didn’t. But here they are now, _he found him, his Yai Nong, “You’re him, I’ve been looking for you, I’ve been wanting to remember you,”_ he wants to tell Gulf but with his speech earlier, he doubts the younger would easily believe him. 

The older of the two has had enough because he still couldn’t understand the younger’s sentiment, how he became the root of his despair so he asked, **“Who said I got tired of you?”** If hearing that question made Gulf display confusion, it was quickly replaced with anger, **“Why are you denying it?! Isn’t it the reason you didn’t show yourself the next summer I went here? Because all you did the previous summer was look after me that you didn’t have enough fun compared to being with your friends? That’s what the Phi living in the blue-roofed house said so!”** He shouted, some of the people inside the house heard him but Mew paid them no heed and just closed the door behind them. Suddenly, everything made sense to Mew, everything was just a misunderstanding on Gulf’s part, but his heart hurt for the younger knowing how those memories haunted the younger for years, and really, how convenient was it for him to just forget the younger when he’s been longing for him, too? 

Mew sat beside Gulf, scooped him so he was leaning onto Mew, **“Yai Nong,”** Mew started and Gulf looked at Mew upon hearing the endearment he used, waiting for the elder’s next words. **“Phi stayed with grandma at the start of that summer vacation for two weeks, it wasn’t true that I got tired of you that’s why I didn’t show up.”** The younger stared at Mew, looking for anything that might tell him that the older was lying, and saw nothing but sincerity, his doe eyes which Mew loved a lot when they were young was once again studying his P’Mew’s face, realizing how his features have changed yet they still remain so gentle to Gulf. The older caressed his cheeks, wiping his tears using his thumb, then proceeded to fix his hair. Indeed, this is really his P’Mew, his ever so caring P’Mew. 

**“Do you still have the picture of us when we were young?”**

**“Yes, do you want to have it?”**

**“No, I just want to see it, maybe make a copy for myself. We can take new ones to keep.”**

**“That is if you won’t get tired of me. You’ll have to protect me again, always.”**

**“My exes said I'm too possessive and way over protective for their liking.”**

**“They’re not me.”**

**Author's Note:**

> Really, I was just bored this afternoon and i thought of my childhood bestfriend (minus the drama) so I made this. This is my first time writing a story, and probably my last BECAUSE I WAS REALLY REALLY REALLY JUST BORED!! Don't mind the psychology bs, i am a psych major and idk what to add jk.
> 
> Also!! Title is from Ringo Starr's Photograph.


End file.
